Can’t stop thinking about dumb shit from the past. Sometimes I really do feel like I can’t let go of anything. Like all this stupid stuff will still haunt me when it shouldn’t. I need a change of scenery or some time with people that make me smile.
That awkward moment when you realize most of your friends from High School are completely irrelevant to your life now.
Awesome scene from last week’s Teen Wolf.
It seems like we’ve all just about gone our separate ways. It also seems to have been for the best in all cases involved. Branching out allowed us to grow and change and become more than what we were thought to be in high school. Sure even though they branched out, they still see each other for the summer, and yeah I don’t see any of them anymore. But it doesn’t bother me, based on my recent experience of hanging with people I was super close with in High School and Freshman Year of College, the friendships aren’t as strong. High School was the first step to right now, everything that happened, happened that way for a reason. I’m happy with where I’m at and where I’m heading. Gonna get an apartment within the year and start trying to make a real life and i’m extremely excited about that. Even though all my close friends from College aren’t gonna be around at school, i’ll still see them. And we’ll still get together and make projects. Things are changing for the better. It’s been hard to accept but I do accept it now. Change is inevitable. Embrace it, or it will hold you back as long as it held me back.
Today I screened my Junior film The Goodnight Kiss. I’m not saying this to tute my own horn but it was the most overwhelmingly positive audience reaction of the entire two day screening. People laughed the entire five minute run and cheered and clapped all throughout. It was such an intense and amazing feeling that has been trampled by the fact that my girlfriend didn’t want to stay with me. That she chose seeing her friend Ryan for his birthday over me. Which isn’t surprising because clearly she’s always liked him and had a better connection with him than anyone else. It sucks so much that I always end up having to share her with other people. It’s not fair to me. I wanted her to be here today and even though shes in New Paltz she couldn’t even talk to me today because she doesn’t care about me when shes there. Fuck it. Whatever. It was a good day and then she ruined it by telling me that she didn’t talk to me last night because she was in a funk. Yeah i’m sure you were. In a funk with your friend Ryan or worse that other guy whos probably there too.
I feel so yucky and sick today. Just recently I was talking about how I hadn’t thrown up in a while and I totally jynxed myself, because i’ve done so 3 times today already. I have the achiest aches ever. I just feel like garabge and I can’t seem to get in touch with Alex, which is making it so much worse. =( Being sick sucks.
I went to a wake tonight and I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t want to die. Especially not with how my family sees me.
Petey Pete’s class continues. Oh yeah and he wrote a book that is getting published this summer.
Petey: “It’s about a christ style superhero…no…wait thats a terrible way of describing it, i’m so embarrassed. You caught me off guard…”
My official first day of actual classes and not online crap is tomorrow. I’m moping around today because I had an awful morning. I was a bit of a jerk to Alex and I can’t even make it right because I have class tomorrow and i’m busy thursday setting up work stuff at the school.
And my friends all have Tuesday/Thursday classes and will most likely have a bitching Final Semester together before they graduate. I’m gonna do my best to be at the school every Tuesday and Thursday for work so at least I can be there to see them. Next year will be terrible, this is a good preview of that I guess.
I wish things would go back to normal between Louis and them, it sucks that he’s letting his own mopiness affect his friendships with them. I need him to suck it up and just forgive and forget things with Emily. I want him around, but he wont come if shes there and it sucks. =/
It all sucks.
We were all snuggled up and taking turns talking about stuff. I like doing that. We discussed this cool theory she has and i’m making a note of it here so i can remember it. I won’t actually write it down cause then someone will steal the idea.